Now:

A page that updates periodically about what I'm up to and into right now. You are viewing the version of this page from June 12, 2025. When it's gone, it's gone.

Making

I wrapped another illustration piece the other day, which I started on stream and finished the morning after. I happen to really like it. It's easily the most complicated piece I've done in Illustrator and half that complexity is because of my insistence on keeping it 2D.

I'm in the middle of a gig right now that I'm having a lot of fun with, and which is forcing me to do some actual 3D rendering work, so look out for that. Maybe this old dog can, you know, et cetera.

Doing

Saturday I had one of my classic days off where my partner was at work so I just walked around. Went on foot from our place up into Squirrel Hill and then down the bank into Homestead and then back home through Braddock. Took a thousand photos and ended up with like fifteen good ones, which is a decent rate.

I was outside from about 10 to 5 and my legs hurt on Sunday, but I also felt good coming home. It's fun to just wander around on your own with nowhere to be. Drinking a coconut Slurpee, future bass in my buds, just trying my damnedest to feel alive, and, for a little while, succeeding.

I had my first appointment at the plasma place yesterday, which sounds more dire than things really are. Don't misunderstand—I'm as broke now as I've ever been in my life—but I'm not doing this as a last-ditch to survive. I just figure that if I'm gonna sit around all day I might as well sit around with a needle in me and make 70 bucks rather than sit around at home and get mad on the computer. And if someday soon I'm not available at 2:00 on a Wednesday anymore, that'll be great.

If you can shake the political-cartoon-tier visual metaphor of it all, it's honestly not so bad. I got checked out and approved and I just sat on a weirdly-shaped bed for an hour reading a book and alternately squeezing and relaxing my hand. When I was about 80 milliliters shy of my quota I started to feel kind of wack so they unhooked me and gave me a Powerade and I sat around recovering and feeling embarrassed for another half-hour, but the money cleared before I got home. I was embarrassed that I didn't drink enough water, I mean, not that I was in there to begin with. Everybody in there was in there. It's a Greyhound situation.

I finally got my server put back together properly. Gotta recommend Runtipi if you are looking to build something similar. I spent probably thirty hours and two complete reinstalls trying to get Docker working properly and Tipi just fucking worked from startup. Linux guys will tell you to do everything the hard way because, I assume, tinkering with Unix commands and SSH is like gardening to them, and using a program with buttons you click is like eating the tomatoes from Subway. Personally I just want to turn the thing on and not have to mess with it again.

Thinking

I have been thinking about the question "what's wrong with me?" a lot, and from a variety of angles, and in a variety of moods ranging from detached scientificity to unhealthy contempt depending on the moment.

The truth is I basically know what's wrong with me: I have wicked ADHD that has never been professionally treated, which makes me forget/lose/screw up a lot of stuff, which makes me feel like a stupid oaf — but the more I observe this pattern in action the more distressing it gets that I can't simply outsmart it. Like seeing a tree start to fall on you but somehow not comprehending that you can run sideways instead of parallel to the trunk. And if I, as the conscious and intentional part of this mind, can't just lock out the erratic and stupid part, then it's not out of bounds to ask who's actually driving.

I am having "good" days more often, defined as a day where I manage to whip myself into sending some emails (or lock in, as kids who wear wraparound sunglasses call it), which must mean that the medicine is starting to work. Nothing to do but keep going and see if it gets any better.

Reading

I finished American Bulk while I was giving plasma. I think the momentum slows to a coast by the end but I overall really enjoyed it, and would recommend. Currently I'm in the middle of There Is No Antimemetics Division, which is the first time I've seriously engaged with a piece of writing attached to the SCP project. It's a compelling premise, if maybe spun a little gratuitously.

Listening

I've been way into yet another 90s CD from the used bookstore: Free Flight by Palomino Duck, which I obviously bought for the cover. Weather-channel jazz crossed with Nicolo Bardoni-esque MIDI grooves. Some of the fluorishes have a little World Music energy, but the fundamentals are good.

King Gizzard released the official bootleg mix of their 2023 show at The Caverns, which took me two days to listen through. It might be my favorite live album they've put up. They are the absolute champs of music you can tell was a lot of fun to make and/or play. Seeing 10-plus minutes of The River on the tracklist twice with Wah Wah in between had me grinning like that guy from that Onion cartoon.

I've also been listening to Calm Ya Farm by The Murlocs a lot.